I didn't think I did enough when I got the news. There was much more that I could have done. I should have gone by and saw him when I was home in May but I was tired and flying out in a few hours after that. Besides his voice, his words, his attitude alluded to the fact that he was getting better and there was plenty of time to hangout, catch up and do all of the things we said we were going to do when he got better. We'd talk all the time about his next entrepreneurial endeavors and his desire to travel along with his desire just to simply be a positive person and roll model to all those in his family that might be going down the wrong path. I'd talk about the trifling ways of Howard and how fed up I was with the schools archaic antics. He was always so positive and encouraging when I had moments with guys or other friends that had me questioning myself. I tried to remind him that to be a man in his twenties he was so mature and wise beyond his years.
When I met him around 2001, my family and I could tell he was special. He was manner able, smart, funny, well-spoken all of this for somebody who was still a teenager at the time. Our extended family became instant friends with him and so did my brother and I. We'd all go out to eat, little road trips and we all became close. When he and a member of our extended family fell out over something trivial my family and I still kept up with him because the falling out was of no fault of his own. Throughout the years we all tried to keep in touch. I ended up moving east in 2005, my brother was soon to follow so I made it a point to try and stay in contact with people who really brightened my day and he happened to be one of those people. It would always be some hilarious story about a co-worker at his barber shop or some girl he was dating or even a family member. I sat there and listened. I remember sometimes I couldn't talk to him all of the time because there seemed to be tons of stuff going on in his life and plenty of stuff going on in mine. I feel bad if I wasn't there for him enough in those instances. When I was back home I'd make it a point to go to his shop, or come by his apartment and watch a movie and just hang with him.
Being a Barber, he had to obviously use his hands and eyes and when those started to fade he obviously became scared not knowing what was going on. His vision would go in and out; he'd have horrible headaches and numbness on one side of his body. He and his family immediately went to UC Davis medical center where they diagnosed him with a brain tumor. He immediately started radiation treatment. When he told me this information I thought ok, well you caught it soon enough your going to be fine; you just turned 24 years old. When we talked during his treatment I tried to not talk about being sick but about other things that reminded him of happiness of laughter or anything other than inevitable. He had to let go of his apartment, his job and everything he worked for to move back in with his dad and step mother so that they could take care of him so he could get better. After talking with him just about every week he told me he lost about 50 lbs and how hard it was to put that kind of weight on and how easily it just fell off. He was spending more time with families and more time in church. All of our little conversations meant a lot to me and I hope that it allowed him to believe and hope that he would get better. I told him I wanted him to get better soon so we can take a trip to
He never sounded ill, or like he was giving up, he sounded like there was hope so I took his strength and his upbeat attitude as clues that he was getting better. I had lost his phone number after my phone was damaged. My brother tried calling him but that number had been disconnected. All I could do was wait, hoping he'd call so we could catch up. I hadn't talked to him since July and it was September. I kept asking my brother, “Have you talked to him?” I wondered what was going on. Just last week on September 11th or 12th I asked him this very question nagging him to try the number again. It wasn't until Sunday, September 14th that I saw familiar yet foreign number on my cell phone and I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be a good conversation. He said, Amber? I said, "Yes, this is her." He said, "This is his dad. I was going through his phone and I realized you were one of his friends and I wanted to let you know that he passed away today." I pulled the car over because I felt like I was punched in the stomach. I asked him what? I knew what he said but I didn't think it could be possible even though I knew deep down it was. I didn't have the right words to say anything to a father that lost a son, especially a son like that. I just said, as tears streamed down my face, "how are you because I know that you were also ill?" He just said, "Amber, I'm just trying to get through loosing my son. I'm ok though thanks for asking." He said, "He gained an angel." He was one. I don’t remember much else of the conversation because it was so surreal. He was truly a rare and amazing man. It might be cliché to think that way about a loved one that has passed but he truly was a special person and I hope everyday that our time together meant something to him because it truly meant a lot to me. He was a true person and a true friend so incredible hard to come by. I can't believe we are not going to have our weekly talks anymore and I'm even more in shock that I won't see him again until it’s my time.
Are the amazing people taken to scare the rest of humanity straight? Are they taken to enlighten us to bring prospective to our lives? Are the bad people left on earth to try and get it right for their remaining days on earth? And what about the rest of the people here, the ones that try to do the right thing but sometimes fall short in their efforts? Is this life all a balancing act?
Why did he have to go? There are plenty of people living foul, treating people terribly or treating themselves poorly and they live well into their 70's yet my friend, somebody who wanted to be here and somebody who thought about what he did before he did it, as to not hurt people, was taken two and half months shy of his quarter century mark? Why? I can only say that when people like him leave us too soon they do it because their light is bright and is put to much better use in heaven. He was here to remind me and others that knew him that we have one life to live and we shouldn't squander it away with things that don't matter in the end. My life is not just my own anymore it is also his because I'm now doing things he couldn't do, so I'll be damned if I screw this life up. I'll be damned if I waste time on people who are not living according to god's way. Selfish, lying, hurtful people that are 30 + years old and act as if they wont have to answer to higher power when this short life is over with. My friend wasn't able to make it to 30 but he deserved to be here. I just wish more people were like him. I wish people would do better by each other and stop getting stuck on trivial things. I feel good knowing that I didn't turn my back on him and I hope he knew that I was here and I never stopped thinking and praying about him and for him.
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